Craving Comfort in Chaos: A Review of 'I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki’

In a world where mental health is often denied and misunderstood, literature has the power to shed light on the hardships of mental struggles. The author said “Even in my most unbearably depressed moment I could be laughing at a friend’s joke but still feel an emptiness in my heart, then in my stomach. Which would make me go out to eat some tteokbokki.” This reflects the conflicting emotions the author's experiences, the desire for death bounding with the simple pleasure of eating tteokbokki, a popular Korean street food. Baek Sehee's novel, "I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki," takes readers on a profound journey through the depths of depression and the search for comfort in the midst of chaos. This book is mainly about the conversation between the author and her psychiatrist. As the author tries to fight with her depression, she finds peace and small moments of happiness in food, particularly tteokbokki. The dish becomes a symbol of comfort in her tumultuous life.

  

It  is a pure example of how we sometimes get lost in the process of developing  and forget to love ourselves. The book offers a raw and honest portrayal of mental illness, highlighting the importance of seeking help and finding joy in the little things despite the darkness. mental illness like dysthymia, Existential crisis, histrionic personality disorder are well defined in the book. It also explores the complexities of relationships and the impact they have on one's mental well-being. which portrays a social standard that we set for ourselves to be okay, even when we’re not, i could relate to this part a lot.

  Before getting into university I encountered this issue where I used to hide myself and used to pretend that I'm alright even though I wasn't. Which also made an impact on my friendships and as a result I was left with failed friendships. I felt like I was asking for priority and being too much available for everyone. Which made me isolate myself. Although, In my hardest time I found this book and it made me feel like I wasn't alone. The book made it easier for me to understand what I was feeling and why I was feeling like that. It made it easier for me to overcome my fear and insecurities, and helped me to love myself more. Even though I couldn't relate to some situations, the book made me aware of circumstances that might be useful for me. 

My favorite part of the book was chapter 6 'What should i do to know myself better’ the author told us “how you feel about yourself is much more important than what your friends think of you”. In the growing stage of life I cared too much about peoples opinion on me rather than being myself and liking myself how i was.

In the book, There are no easy answers or quick fixes, just the honest journey  of one woman's struggle to find her place in a universe that doesn't always understand her. And yet, regardless of the pain and uncertainty, there is a glimpse of hope, a reminder that even in our darkest moments, we are never alone. 

The book made me see the world from a different perspective. Made me feel better about myself. Even after finishing the book there are times when I go back to the book for reassurance and comfort. It made  me realize that In this  cruel and selfish world the least we can do for ourselves is to be gentle and kind. If we’re not kind to ourselves it would be hard to be kind to others.